Why It’s Easier to Reinvent Yourself Living Abroad

I borrowed the title from Chuck Bolotin, a "retirement expert" (Hey, I think I'm working on that job title, too!), who founded Best Places in the World to Retire.  While some people to reinvent themselves in retirement or new places in very interesting ways, I don't feel the need to reinvent myself.  I'm pretty happy being myself, and life here is mostly a continuation of the life I've lived--with the exception of not being paid to work.

But, in one of the sections he refers to something that Bob and I have noticed, as well as other people: it's so easy to meet new people.  That's an aspect of moving here that I hadn't really focused on--although, looking back, I realize that it's been true since we first starting coming down here.  Bolotin writes this:

"The shock (and joy) of being around new people: Just as expats are in a new cultural and physical environment, they are also in a new social environment, within which they’re not bound by the grooved-in interpersonal kabuki dance they performed in the past.

Expats have told me how liberating it was to start fresh relationships. Describing their past, they told me about the growth-inhibiting triad of behaviors being heavily influenced by: 

• what others expected of them,
• others expecting them not to change and then 
• their tending to conform to others’ expectations of not changing.

But as expats meet new people, they are free to create relationships intentionally to help become their best, reinvented selves."

Thinking back, I realize the times that were the easiest times for meeting people were school, growing up, and graduate school; other parents from the kids' activities; work; but most of all, when we lived overseas.  Part of that is being far away from previous friends and family, so you're forced to get out and make new friends if you're the least bit social.  Also, whatever activities you get engaged in, you meet new people doing the same ones with similar interests.  And meeting neighbors.  Here we live in a neighborhood with both expats and Mexicans, and while I can't say that we have actual friendships with our neighbors, we recognize each other, speak to each other, and know that we look out for each other.  

A couple of weeks ago, we were walking around the corner to Shari and Rob's house and we saw some little kids (about 8 or 9 years old) playing futbol in the street. (Of course, it's safe to play on most of the neighborhood streets because cars can't go fast enough to come upon you suddenly, and the sound of driving on cobblestone streets certainly gives plenty of warning to get out of the way.) Anyway, the kids were just standing around, not playing, so we asked them what was wrong. They told us, and pointed to their ball which had gone over the fence of the neighbors across the street.  We could see the ball resting against the iron gate on the top of the tile garage roof.  We know the people who live there, Steve and Nancy, so we went to ring their bell just as Steve opened the gate holding a long broom handle.  The kids had kicked the ball all the way over into their garden, and Steve tried to throw it back over but didn't get it far enough.  So between two aging gringo men, they managed to get the ball unlodged and back to the kids. While we were watching, I asked one of the kids, " Quien va ganando?" (Who's winning?)  With a quick grin, he pointed to himself and said, "Estamos!" (We are!)  Bob and Steve having completed their mission, we all said adios.  We went on our way and the kids went back to their game.

And the circle of friends widens all the time as new people move down or others return or we meet people through other friends and activities. For example, we met Gerald and Rosalind in June.  They had spent four months driving through Mexico from Arizona, I think.  They drove down the west coast as far as Acapulco, then across country to Oaxaca and Chiapas near the Guatemalan border, the Yucatan, Mexico City, San Miguel, and finally here where they've decided to stay.  They rented a beautiful apartment, very modern and Euro with a fantastic view of the lake and mountains.

We also met Bruce and Debi at a shabbat dinner.  They had lived in Atlanta (they met as students at FSU) for many years and decided it was time to retire and travel.  So they set off on a round-the-world trip for a year with just a couple of bags each.  They went all over Europe, Asia, and Central America.  They spent 6 weeks here and bought a house (!).  They'll be back in October.

So I really enjoy the variety of their experiences, personalities, and cultures. Life here is never boring.  Not that I was ever bored anywhere else.  I'd love to share it more though with old friends and family.